Ghosts S01e05 Bd9 ◆

Isaac and Nigel’s lecture duel is interrupted by Beaumont, who possesses Jay (who fell asleep on the couch watching Great British Bake Off ). As Beaumont-Jay, he begins critiquing the duel: "Your vocal projection is flaccid, Captain. And Nigel, your sash says 'Rogues' but your posture says 'Actuarial.'"

Isaac has secretly started a "Revolutionary War Fact-a-Day" Patreon using Sam’s laptop when she’s not looking. His first post: "Alexander Hamilton once cried because a turtle bit him." It goes viral. Suddenly, Isaac is getting fan mail. Nigel (the British ghost) finds out and challenges him to a "duel of wits" — each must deliver a historical lecture in the barn at midnight. The loser has to polish Nigel’s ghostly boots (an impossible task, but it's the principle). ghosts s01e05 bd9

Extended Cut — 48 minutes

The ghost of (guest star Paul F. Tompkins) manifests in the parlor: a fussy, mustachioed 1890s theater critic who died in the house during a dinner party after choking on a pickled egg. He carries a tiny, unbreakable notepad and a fountain pen that leaves no ink—but he pretends it does. Isaac and Nigel’s lecture duel is interrupted by

Inside, Hetty is dictating a "welcome speech" to Alberta, who rolls her eyes. "No one wants a lecture on the spoils of industrialism, Hetty." Isaac, meanwhile, is trying to levitate a quill to write his own memoir, convinced that "practice makes spectral." His first post: "Alexander Hamilton once cried because

Alberta steps in. She sings a single, perfect note—a low A-flat—that vibrates through the house. Beaumont is thrown out of Jay’s body, gasping. "How did you—"

"I told you," Alberta says. "I didn't rush the bridge. I owned it."