The jungle, as always, had the last laugh.
Ricky was voted out first. He gave an exit interview where he blamed the trees. Harriet finished fourth, delivering a farewell monologue that made Ant and Dec cry. Priya came third, using her platform to launch a charity for “ethical reality TV contracts.” i'm a celebrity...get me out of here! season 13 bdscr
Lola looked at the eel. She looked at the camera. She whispered: “For every girl who was told she was just a pretty face.” The jungle, as always, had the last laugh
The final two: Sir Alistair Finch and Lola Fox. She whispered: “For every girl who was told
What actually happened: Priya Kaur, the cat-video influencer, finished in 47 seconds. She didn't blink. She spat out the last star, smiled, and said, “My mum’s curry is worse than this.” Her BDSCR silently recalculated to 9.9. The producers leaned forward in the control room.
Sir Alistair Finch, the disgraced MP, had been quietly carving spoons from driftwood. The camp was starving because Ricky refused to do any trial that involved “bugs or liquid or small spaces or heights or darkness or public speaking.” Harriet had taken to reciting King Lear to the campfire, substituting “Cordelia” for “mealworm.”