He disrespects you in public, she lies about money, they disappear for days without explanation. But you say, “But I love them.” That is ngoswe .
You find yourself lying for a partner, covering up their mistakes, or abandoning your dreams to keep the peace. Love was meant to elevate you, not turn you into a stranger. ngoswe penzi kitovu cha uzembe
Culturally, we have been fed myths: that love means suffering, that real love never gives up, that jealousy equals passion, and that leaving is failure. These myths are the fertilizer for uzembe . The proverb does not say love is bad. It says ngoswe penzi —reckless, excessive, blind love—is the problem. True love is clear-eyed. True love respects boundaries. True love does not demand you become a fool. He disrespects you in public, she lies about
So love, by all means. Love deeply, passionately, and loyally. But never let love turn you into someone you would be ashamed to introduce to your younger self. Because once uzembe takes root, it is hard to pull out. And the only one who loses in the end is you. He who loves wisely, lives wisely. He who loves recklessly, collects regrets. Love was meant to elevate you, not turn you into a stranger
Your health, finances, and mental peace are crumbling. Yet you stay, because leaving would mean admitting you wasted time. That is the height of foolishness. Why Does This Happen? Psychologically, ngoswe penzi resembles addiction. The brain releases dopamine when we are with the beloved, even when they hurt us. We become hooked on the highs, enduring the lows with a delusional hope that “love will fix it.”