You kids want to marry? Well, how about that? I’ll mix you a potion from a smoozled old bat! One sip makes you sleepy. Two sips makes you snore. Three sips makes your toenails grow right through the floor! (SCENE FOUR: The BIG MESS. A fight. Then a bigger mess.)
A plague! A big plague! On both of your houses! May your pillows be lumpy! May your cows moo like mouses! I’m done for! I’m finished! I’ve stepped on a rake! Goodbye! I’m off to make glittery cake. (He exits, carried away by birds. ROMEO fights TYBALT. TYBALT falls.) the seussification of romeo and juliet script
What light through yonder waffle iron breaks? T’is a Sneetch! And a glorious Sneetch, for goodness sakes! Her hair is like fizz-floss, her nose like a pootle. I’ll marry this creature and name her my Skittle! JULIET-GAZZ (giggles): A Montague? Gasp! A terrible pickle! My family will grumble and throw a loud nickel! But who cares for nickels? Who cares for a name? A rose by a smell-smell still smells the old same! (They hold hands. A small dog in a hat sneezes. They kiss. It sounds like a “Zoop!”) You kids want to marry
Oh no! Oh my! What a terrible pickle! I’ve squished him! I’ve smooshed him! Like a sad purple nickel! I must run away to a cave full of noodles! (He runs. JULIET is sad.) One sip makes you sleepy
What’s this? A dead Romeo? A terrible sight! And he drank all the poison? He didn’t leave a bite? (She looks at his bottle, then at her empty hands.) There’s no poison left? Not a drop or a dram? Well, fiddlesticks, doodle-farts, jelly-bean jam! (She looks around. She picks up a plastic squeaky mallet.) I’ll just have to bonk myself on the head! One bonk for true love! And then I’ll be dead! (She bonks. She falls. They lie there. It is quiet. Then—)